"We must speak what we feel. Not what we ought to say."

- W. Shakespeare

story segment

- - -
- "But he’s too stupid to understand cuz he’s just a blacksmith’s son."
RANGER’s hand struck at his son’s ear with the speed of a diving eagle.
"OW! fath-"
"QUIET! I will not hear you speaking of others that way."
"But he’s just a-"
"He is the son of a good and honorable man. And if he listens to his father better than you listen to yours then he’ll be a fine smith one day. You will be trained to be a ranger like me but if you do not respect the people of your village then you will never be chosen to protect them. Do you understand me?"
"yes sir."
"Tell me, if BOY hates you now because of the way you treat him, how well do you think he shall forge your armor when he’s a man? Would you trust the craft of a man who despises you?"
"no"
"Everyone has his place and a role to play. We all ely upon one another to play those parts. No matter how low a man’s status may be, there is great honor to be had by working hard and well. If you do not learn to show respect to those who earn that honor then none shall be given to you. Do you understand?"
"yes sir"
"The same is true of mothers as well. Do you understand?"
"yes sir"
"Do you? Because your mother tells me that you’ve been unwilling to help and listen to her commands. Is this true?"
"--"
"Is it true!?"
"well yes but -"
"No! There are no exceptions. Your mother works hard to care for you and has the honor of speaking with my voice in all things just as I have the honor to speak for her. If you disobey your mother you disobey me. Do you need a reminder of that cost?"
"no sir"
"Good. If you offended BOY then you will apologize to him and if I hear you’ve disobeyed your mother again you will have more than a red ear to remember it. Do you understand?"
"yes sir"
"Good. Now, because you refused to help your mother you are finished with your meal. A man who does not work does not eat, so give the rest of your food to your brother and sisters. You will have the honor of cleaning after us tonight so that you may earn your meals tomorrow."
SON stared at his father for a moment, clearly hurt more by his punishment than his ear. But he wisely held his tongue and slowly rose to give a portion of his remaining meal to each of his three siblings. Each received it with gracious thanks which only served to illuminate his earlier insolence. He sat back down and hung his head. His shame was plain to them all but he would not have them seeing the tears on his cheeks.
- - -
Later when everyone had finished their meals and he had cleaned after them, SON went to his mother and begged her forgiveness. She offered him some wisdom instead. "SON, do you know the parable of the lone wolf?"
"The lone wolf dies," he quietly replied.
"And why is that?" His face was pensive. "Think on what your father said tonight."
That prodded him and a moment later he found an answer, "because all the wolves work together?"
"Very good. The pack has many kinds of wolves because it needs many different things done for all to survive. A pack of leaders would fail just a pack of not but followers would. They all must work together to survive as we must also, our family and our village. So do you understand why your father was so angry with you?"
He thought for a moment again, "because whether I like BOY or not, someday we I will need him if I’m going to survive and he’s going to need me too?"
She was so proud of him. "Yes, that is exactly why. Thank you for your appology. You had my forgiveness even before you asked for it. Now dress for bed, it very late."
"Yes mother."
As she watched him scurry off she could not help but remember the tiny pink babe at her breast, too many year past. She began to ready herself and found her husband in their room, studying a large piece of parchment. She walked up quietly beside him and laid her cheek on his shoulder.
He turned his head to kiss her brow. "How is he?"
"Oh his pride is hurt but he understands why."
"Good. The mightiest fortress falls. He’s nearing an age when he’ll either learn that or suffer for it."
"He will, he’s young still and envies the games his sisters have more time to play."
"Yes perhaps you have the right of it."
"What troubles you so late, my lord? You do not march again for some moons"
"His grace sent word for me. The message did not betray his intentions."
"Will you be gone long?"
"I doubt I shall. A few days of travel and a few more of talk. I should be surprised if I’m not back in a fortnight."

I wish you had died

I wish you had died.

I don’t will you any ill but it would be easier
if some other force had stripped love from me.

Then I wouldn’t have to pass
its shadow on the street.

Then friends would still pat me on the back
and cry a little with me by the water.

Then I could keep your memory with me
without seeing your body with another.

Then I could choose to remember you
the way we were when we were happy.

I wish you had died,

Then nothing inside me could hate you,
this way that I never wanted to.

Guy? on the bus

During this early afternoon I boarded route 331 at the downtown bus terminal, en route to my place of occupation. Within the vehicle i was struck by a most unusual sight. A man, though I doubt he is inclined to be called so, was dressed in pink running shoes, tremendously abbreviated shorts, a thin gray fleece zip-up, small diamond stud earings, and faint pink lip gloss. Perhaps his or her (once again I engaged in no conversation with this person nor observed any that was had with another and so cannot say how this individual wishes to be treated) most striking features were the aggressive initial growth of facial hair and profound bald spot that dominated the whole of the upper cranium.

Regretably I did not acquire any photos of this individual as it seemed unethical to take a photo without previously granted permission and more significantly an appropriate moment of sufficient discreteness never presented itself.

Scott

Lunches

A little after noon, Kevin woke me gruffly from a tenuous sleep. Surprised to find Shannon already upon the premises, I was told to dress with some haste as we were to have lunch at terriyaki bar.

After some moderately delicious terriyaki chicken and pork Kevin returned us to Shannon's residence. Her door was locked and she carried not a key upon her (despite the conspicuous presence of her purse) so we travelled south (in a cosmic sense) to Krista's abode. Within we found AJ and the four of us did agree to travel to Bob's where Krista and AJ could nurish themselves, as evidenced by the photos above. I cannot speak to the quality of their meals as I neglected to consume either of them, though I can vouch that they were not long for this world after arriving at our table.

We then returned to ShAJ's and played a resonable amount of Rock Band before we parted ways and I found myself here with this keyboard resting beneath my fingers, upon my knees.

Scott

Keep the Night at Bay

Keep the Night at Bay

I walked alone at the fall of day
Passing through orange cones of light
Trying to keep the night at bay.

Maybe I was looking for someone who’d say,
"You’ll make it through to see the light",
As I walked alone at the fall of day.

Unwelcome memories marked my way
And broke apart my will to fight
To try to keep the night at bay.

I longed for a familiar place to lay,
Somewhere away from everyone’s sight.
As I walked alone at the fall of day.

But no beacon of hope sent a single ray
To give cause to think that I might
Be able to keep the night at bay.

From my course I did not stray
Though the grasp of darkness held me tight
I walked alone at the fall of day,
Failing to keep the night at bay.

SiD

Night Falls Fast

4+ out of 5

Kay Redfield Jamison

Great book about understanding the psychology of suicide and the people who suffer from the mental illnesses that too often lead to it.